Marriage

The Indian concept of relationships and marriage are one of the hardest things for my Western mind to comprehend, but here it goes…

The overwhelming majority of marriages in India are arranged marriages, although “love marriages” are becoming more popular, especially in more metropolitan parts of India. Here’s the way an arranged marriage typically works: when it becomes time for an individual to get married (usually in his/her parent’s eyes) the parents begin searching for suitors. For those who follow the traditional Hindi system, the partner must be in the same caste (and sometimes subcast, subsubcast, etc. as well). Arranged marriage often occurs at a fairly young age…there was recently an article in the newspaper citing that roughly half of Indian women are married by the age of 17! After marriage, children are expected quickly. It seems that dating is largely taboo in traditional society. Even for those who intend to have a love marriage, the relationship remains secret until a marriage proposal makes it “official.”

Another interesting tidbit I was amazed to find is that astrology can play an important part in finding an ideal mate. For many families, if the astrological signs don’t work together, than a marriage is out of the question.

There is a thick section that comes once a week with the newspaper here that is essentially a personals designed for people looking to marry. Nearly every one seems to tout some combination of fair skinned, handsome/beautiful, Engineer/Doctor/MBA, US/UK Visa, and many give astrological details. A discount is given for the advertisement if you are do not specify a caste for your future mate.

The actual marriage ceremony (especially in wealthier families) is an absolutely extravagant ordeal: It lasts for several days, with different ceremonies occurring on each day. It is currently marriage season here because of the comparatively nice weather, and I was lucky enough to attend a small part of one ceremony. The bride and groom and were brought into the room and onto a stage ceremoniously, each holding a wreath of flowers. With solemn faces they put the wreathes around each other (and said some words in Hindi). We all cheered and then they sat on a throne on the stage and we all went up to them and said congratulations and shook their hands and gave them gifts. Arguably the best part were these trays of delicious Indian snacks that were moved around the room with impressive frequency!